I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
