the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
