I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
