Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
