i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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