3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
