Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
