god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize