how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
