You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
