So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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