Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
