u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My life is pants optional.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
