We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
