dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
pray to the hookup gods
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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