If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
