Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
