Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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