Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize