she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
