what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just took my morning after pill in the library
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
