There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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