so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize