we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Still dying that you shit outside
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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