If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
