Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
