you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
this is an emotional support booty call
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