Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
