I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
