Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
