Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
