Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
