Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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