I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
