do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
