doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Randomize
