If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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