ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
