I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
