we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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