you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize