WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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