You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
