Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
