We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
