No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i think my cat just said my name.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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