The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
