put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
