Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
