Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
