I wanna bring you to show and tell
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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