So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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