I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
