well I can't set my house on fire every night
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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