At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
