I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
