Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
