my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Randomize
