her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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