so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
