every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
