So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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