i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
