I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
