Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
