hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
