Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
