I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
