the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
