i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
