I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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