I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
