dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
