I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
