Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize