So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
