fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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