btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
