Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
