The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
