So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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