my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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