Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
