If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
