I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
