remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
