You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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