We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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