i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
