Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
