So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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