She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
