Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
