Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
