I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
