I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
