nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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